[ this is not the first time that has been levied against him. at least the ambition is obvious. ]
I was close. I had-- obtained some allies, we'll say. I have a plan. I was on the way to finishing it, before I ended up here. Perhaps with the payment from this job, I can complete it.
[ you can use vikdon as your beard but i am a lucktor truther ]
If it's an ailment, it's one that plagues all kings. It would be difficult to claim you're a leader without it.
[ even a gentle prince has to have some ambition churning beneath their mildness—some drive to shape and change things in their own way (for the better, hopefully). ]
[ he raises ann eyebrow at kings and leader. he is aware that sidon is clearly some sort of ... boss, it has ruling on his profile, but the exact title I don't think he knows. ]
One where it is the way it should be, rather than the way it is. Whatever I can imagine.
[ he claps a hand on lucien's shoulder a moment, not just knocking him over into the snow this time. ]
Then I hope the world in your mind is a wonderful one.
[ his terms are very subjective—what it "should" be, what he imagines—but sidon's not the doubtful type. ]
And take care of yourself on the journey there. We were worried for you, back in that cemetery. [ when their only injury was from lucien having a Moment. in general he has some Not Okay vibes. ]
[ he is aware how concerning it sounds but he says so many concerning things in a day it's like. what's new.
fixing him with a look when sidon says that, but it's fine. ]
Used to dream of it. All the time, I would see it when I closed my eyes, exactly how we'd left her in that frozen, terrible place. So I suppose it's nothing new. All it means is this place can see inside our dreams, make them reality - or feel as if they are reality.
[ yes indeed this just continues to be concerning. things like death do get stuck up in the brain pan, ready to rattle loose into the blood at any moment, but still. his expression does not read like he finds this to be a fun factoid, solemn. ]
"Interesting" is a word for it? It could just drive us to madness, if we're not careful.
...I'm sorry you had to see her that way. It's difficult enough to heal and let those memories age, without these tricks and illusions. [ to him it is firmly not 'reality,' but it does feel that way, intentionally. ]
[ life's a little easier when you learn to accept absurdity. that much is true, at least. ]
Yes. Though—I don't think it's that the wound closes, or that the hole ever fills? Time is... distance. Age.
[ it's not that memories heal, it's that you get older around them. like a tree growing new rings out instead of filling in hollow pockets of wood. some people grow slowly. some people rot out. ]
In my meager experience, "healing" is not how much pain you feel, but how often you feel it—expanding your life into new pools to spend less time in old ones. ...If you're constantly reminded of something, you can't be expected to find much peace from it, no matter how many years have passed.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Ambition has always been my disease.
[ this is not the first time that has been levied against him. at least the ambition is obvious. ]
I was close. I had-- obtained some allies, we'll say. I have a plan. I was on the way to finishing it, before I ended up here. Perhaps with the payment from this job, I can complete it.
no subject
If it's an ailment, it's one that plagues all kings. It would be difficult to claim you're a leader without it.
[ even a gentle prince has to have some ambition churning beneath their mildness—some drive to shape and change things in their own way (for the better, hopefully). ]
What sort of world is it you're envisioning?
no subject
One where it is the way it should be, rather than the way it is. Whatever I can imagine.
no subject
Then I hope the world in your mind is a wonderful one.
[ his terms are very subjective—what it "should" be, what he imagines—but sidon's not the doubtful type. ]
And take care of yourself on the journey there. We were worried for you, back in that cemetery. [ when their only injury was from lucien having a Moment. in general he has some Not Okay vibes. ]
no subject
... It isn't the first time I've seen her like that, and I've doubts it will be the last.
no subject
Do you know how concerning that sounds...? [ has he seen a doctor about it. ] You mean as some sort of ghost of your past?
no subject
fixing him with a look when sidon says that, but it's fine. ]
Used to dream of it. All the time, I would see it when I closed my eyes, exactly how we'd left her in that frozen, terrible place. So I suppose it's nothing new. All it means is this place can see inside our dreams, make them reality - or feel as if they are reality.
And that's interestin', isn't it?
no subject
"Interesting" is a word for it? It could just drive us to madness, if we're not careful.
...I'm sorry you had to see her that way. It's difficult enough to heal and let those memories age, without these tricks and illusions. [ to him it is firmly not 'reality,' but it does feel that way, intentionally. ]
no subject
[ does it? anyway, he does look up at him when he says that second part. not the first time he's heard that advice. ]
And? In your experience, does the memory aging make it "heal"?
no subject
Yes. Though—I don't think it's that the wound closes, or that the hole ever fills? Time is... distance. Age.
[ it's not that memories heal, it's that you get older around them. like a tree growing new rings out instead of filling in hollow pockets of wood. some people grow slowly. some people rot out. ]
In my meager experience, "healing" is not how much pain you feel, but how often you feel it—expanding your life into new pools to spend less time in old ones. ...If you're constantly reminded of something, you can't be expected to find much peace from it, no matter how many years have passed.